heartchasms

We’ll Always Have The Airport Hilton

Ashley Ann Eubanks — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 18:07:49 +0000

I never wanted to be a single mom. Some women do. They plan it. Not
me. I wanted the husband, the 2.5 kids (we’d name the .5 kid Halfy and
adore his half-formedness), the dog, the cat, the cars, the
house…Living the suburban dream, lemme tell ya! But, instead, parts
of my life went as planned and parts of it resembled scenes in
“Suburban Nightmare” (the abuse and bickering, not the serial
killing).

Fast forward to now:

I am living alone in a 1.5 bedroom mobile home in the Arizona desert,
two kids, no pets. In my fantasy world from years ago I was a bubbly
housewife and dinner party hostess who also authored books and maybe
taught classes and had a hit record deal–I don’t know…guess my
immature mind didn’t have all the details worked out.

I work odd and random shifts at a retail establishment that can take
up to 45min to drive to. I have two books on the market that all of my
supposed fans and followers are apparently too broke to afford. While
my estranged spouse has enjoyed these eight months of separation by
dating again openly and actually having his lovers in what used to be
our family home, I have been reticent to have relationships.

I met one guy here in the summertime. Because of his work hours and my
kids, we could only hang out at odd and random hours. He said I was
still in love with my husband and that I should get over that
immediately. He also said he wanted to be my next “baby daddy”…we
are no longer friends.

On the Internet, and through mutual friends, I met Nathan. He’s a nice
guy, if a bit cocky and occasionally brooding. He wants a biological
child of his own in the not to distant future (a subject over which
there’s been much deliberation in my head due to the intrinsically
difficult nature of caring for the two kids I already have). He wants
to give up the work hard and play hard lifestyle to which he’s grown
accustomed and instead grow accustomed to domestic life with me and
the kids. But in the months we’ve known each other, we have never met
in person. It’s been vid chats and phone calls and texts and IMs…all
of which were great but a girl craves more.

If (hypothetically speaking, of course) I met another man here,
perhaps on the job or something, we wouldn’t be able to have a real
relationship anyway. I am very guarded about who gets to meet my
precious angels and clandestine romances would not make the list.

Nathan has met the girls through vid chat. It was not my original
plan, but it so happened that they adored him and he them. One night
Freya woke up sick and cranky in the middle of a chat and he sang a
lullaby to her. It warmed my heart but also made me angry that her
biological male parental unit didn’t see the need to arrange his own
vid chats with his babies.

I don’t know what to do about the dating situation. When I listened to
“He Didn’t Have To Be” by Brad Paisley I used to only be able to
relate to the kid loving his stepdad (although me and mine didn’t get
along as often as adult me would have liked). Now I feel like I can
relate to the mom as well (although surely my friends who have been in
this situation a lot longer will think I’m making premature
observations about the nature of this lifestyle that I didn’t
particularly choose).

I feel like my options in the dating world are limited. There’s either
low-rent rendezvous at the Airport Hilton or there’s technology-based
dating. I don’t want to move someone in with my kids and then find out
he’s a baby-raping monster or a crack addict. I don’t want to have
some great guy in my kids’ lives who suddenly leaves again because if
some issue with me. I want to share my most precious accomplishments
with the special someone on my life, but I feel like maybe that’s
wrong or at least misguided at this point. What if they don’t like
him? What if he hates them?

I don’t know if finalizing the divorce will ease my troubled mind, but
perhaps taking that step will help a little. I am these girls’ only
advocate in this world right now. I cannot let anyone or anything
interfere with that. I know it has only been eight months since we
separated and that it is too easy to rush headlong in to something
new. I don’t think I have that luxury. I have to be cautious and
careful for the girls’ sake. It really isn’t fair that the ex has
already had (and lost) his first cohabitation experience post me yet I
can’t even invite a potential lover over for dinner…

Sent from my iPhone

Buy My Books

Ashley Ann Eubanks — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 06:07:22 +0000

Buy My Books

Books Available For Purchase directly through the publisher:
The Super Adventures of Amazing Apostrophe

Essays I Wrote In College: The Under Grad Years

My Amazon.com author bio page:

Ashley Ann Eubanks’ Author Bio Page

via heartchasms.blogspot.com

Yes, this counts as both shameless shelf promotion AND circular posting (as I’m copying a page from my Blogger blog to share on all of my blogs…including my Blogger blog). Still, it had to be done.

Thousands of people follow me on Twitter and not one of them has purchased a single copy of my book. Let’s not forget, people, that the prices were reduced considerably. I’m not turning a huge profit in royalties here people. If you buy the Kindle versions of my books, I’m making a pittance…but that’s not what it’s about.

I wrote the books so people would read them. I want them out there. If I could afford it, I’d simply pay to have thousands of copies printed up and shipped directly to the houses and offices of all of my loyal Tweeps and Facebook creeps…erm…I mean Facebook friends.

I’d babble more about this tonight, but it’s time for me to tend to personal hygiene and force myself to slumber. Tomorrow I have brunch plans con mi familia followed by a riveting day at what may quite loosely be defined as “the office” if one ignores the lack of anything even remotely office-related in my job duties at my day job.

Still, I truly enjoy the smiling faces on customers who appreciate my smile and naturally sunny disposition (because you know this grizzly mama bear turns into captain of the cheer squad when she’s on the clock almost 88% of the time or some arbitrary statistic I just made up on the spot…).

So…the point is…buy my books!

But suddenly, I viddied that thinking was for the gloopy ones

Ashley Ann Eubanks — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 08:43:22 +0000

Love The Skin You’re In

Ashley Ann Eubanks — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 10:40:13 +0000

That's what she said!

I'm a lazy blogger sometimes. The attached pic is a screenshot of a post I made to Facebook regarding summer attire.

Work

I am not at liberty to say how work is or is not going for me. There are some amazing developments and some not so wonderful ones. I'll be a little more vague if you'd like…

On that note…

I'm tired. It's 3.27a; I have to be at work in less than 12 hours. I will be running errands all morning. I shouldn't be up at this hour. I'm going to go take a nap and figure out how to tackle my to-do list when my alarm clocks attack me with kisses and bear hugs…

I wish I could say this hand and the matching one unpictured are deadly weapons. They’re not. I wish I could say through them always flows magnificent verse. It doesn’t. But on occasion I’ve been known to move past the compulsions for LOLs and WTFs and co

Ashley Ann Eubanks — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 21:18:06 +0000

I wish I could say this hand and the matching one unpictured are deadly weapons. They’re not. I wish I could say through them always flows magnificent verse. It doesn’t. But on occasion I’ve been known to move past the compulsions for LOLs and WTFs and co

Ashley Ann Eubanks — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 21:17:56 +0000

Untitled

Ashley Ann Eubanks — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 20:06:37 +0000

Untitled

Ashley Ann Eubanks — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 18:35:24 +0000

Having fun with my iPhone

Ashley Ann Eubanks — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 01:40:35 +0000

IMG_0008.MOV Watch on Posterous

Apparently part of the fun of an iPhone is having to make sure that you actually choose the correct email address to send something to I accidentally originally posted this blog entry through my iPhone email address which created a whole new posters blog with only Hasentree on it so now I'm forwarding it to the Posterous blog they already had using my Gmail account and then it'll post all of my other blogs including my oldest and favorite blog via blogspot blog blogger Google anyway

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Ashley Eubanks <ashleyanneubanks@me.com>
Date: February 5, 2012 5:35:08 PM MST
To: Posterous <post@posterous.com>
Subject: Having fun with my iPhone

Okay so I am recording this entire post using iPhones talk to text feature and I'm not even going to edit it first I wanted to say that this video that's attached is Luna and free are having fun and playing and it's really adorable and cute so what's that. And I just really am having fun with this new phone. The problem is but I really didn't plan on getting a new phone. I had my other phone and it was working somewhat okay but then it just put the plant and I can new phone

Send me a short story long I went to like five different stores or something ridiculous like that I was like going around trying to get it all straight now to make sure that I had a phone that was working in a can do things and sometimes and that that I'm one of those Ferrans that has my small child having their own cell phone line and I feel kind of silly and they're fighting over the phone but it's a sick little for the phone and it was just because I have to pay for the other line and I wanted but I have this this
With my new phone that was way cheaper to get a new phone that way and anyway so that's a good thing glad it's it's fun having fun with the phone

I had a little bit of experience with talk to text on my old phone but this new phone and it doesn't just have talks to text it has that Siri program which is really fun you can say funny things are just as anything back or you can actually get her to do important things on your phone him and his fuck you little bit safer actually we get for some reason you were driving and you just absolutely couldn't Bosley wait to more secondly get pull over somewhere you can tell her hey Siri call mom and it would happen right away and so that's really awesome because you don't have to sit there should've the phone trying to find a contact and dial in

So am I'm not going to be providing a translation transcript of this post if you can't figure out what it is that the phone thought it was saying when I was composing this email then we don't have it laugh about it I'll try to explain teeth if I could remember right operas but this is fun fun phone and you know they don't recommend remedies going buy a brand-new iPhone because they are hideously expensive if you don't have some weed to get one but if you are ready are doing an upgrade or new phone line or whatever that they're they're awesome and I'm glad they have one because you know I

This wasn't the plan purchase and it certainly note in a minute but a little bit but actually have to have communication I have two small children I have to know what they're doing at all times another okay when they're with babysitters one night and assignees you like me communicate probably just not just having a phone but having that it does the capability to do my am blogging and marketing my writing and doing my homework actually from my phone I can do that and so if there's a whole bunch of different things that I've Greycrest into having a smart phone versus having to see if it would be fun for myself

Since this post probably reads like a very very very drunken village idiot I'll I'm just going to stop babbling now and hopefully maybe just can actually figure out what I was I was trying to say and have a good laugh hands if they can't they can assess the questions in a comment because you know I Havely Disqus readership right and what kind of popular according to my stats that I don't actually really feel like a popular because none of your commenting is a Kylies and I will talk to later thanks for reading

This Could Get Messy

Ashley Ann Eubanks — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 08:08:31 +0000

I am a plan-making kind of gal. If I were one of the lesbians from Rent, I'd be the one that's a lawyer. Sure, I'm an artist and a dreamer and all that jazz, but also like planning ahead, being prepared, etc. I wouldn't dive off of a cliff without a safety net, a parachute, a parakeet, and an ambulance on stand-by. And while visitors to my humble abode may sometimes draw the mistaken conclusion that I take housework lightly, I have been known to scrub floors on my hands and knees and line up the towels by size, color, and function (after ironing and carefully folding them of course).

In January of last year, though, I dove off of a rather high cliff without planning ahead–figuratively speaking. I enrolled in graduate school against the wishes of my spouse, taking three courses and ultimately earning decent grades in all three. The past year has seen the dissolution of my marriage, a second cliff-dive as I drove across country with both children and an empty bank account, a new job with a familiar company…

I've even tried to move past my relationship troubles and work on something new with someone new…but for all of my higher education I am apparently still rolling a weak stat for "street wisdom". I feel silly and stupid for bragging about the guy I was "dating" (that's in quotes because it was strictly an online relationship; no in-person face-to-face interaction). I feel stupid for being vulnerable…no, he's not an asshole in the same way that my estranged spouse is an asshole…but who would have thought that a guy I met online and had long NC17 conversations with would turn out to be having similar conversations with other people he met online? Oh? Everyone? I'm not necessarily mad at the fellow…just confused.

Maybe I'm not giving the guy enough credit. It is possible that, once our relationship moved from cyberspace to mutual space, he'd only truly have eyes for me…but I am not in a position in my life to be able to take that chance–with anyone, for any reason, period.

So…life goes on. I don't hate the guy. We'll still be friends (I really do hope). And, who knows…maybe he'll figure out what sort of man I need and become that sort of man someday and actually do the things we talked about in giddily whispered what-if scenarios over the last few months. In the meanwhile, I spend quality time with a sexual partner I've had since I was a young girl; she knows everything about me and my body (I'm quite in love with my Phal Ange S…).

There are other men in my life, but none in the physical sense, just people who offer sage advice, a metaphorical shoulder to cry on, a compliment or two, but most I wouldn't give anything more than a friendly smile in the way of romance. I do not refrain from physical encounters out of some misguided loyalty to my lawfully wedded…I just don't want to further complicate my life with the addition of yet another hungry tummy or a disease for which there's no cure just because I had to get my jollies off with the first Jethro or Jesus who came along.

Still…at night alone in my boudoir wearing a spaghetti tank and booty shorts or the outfit I was born in, I sometimes find myself fantasizing about various persons and possibilities, and not necessarily in a carnal sense (although this too could be true at times which might possibly upset the aforementioned interwebnet boyfriend, but–really–he has no room to complain at this point…). Certainly, if I didn't have two beautiful angels to think about, I'd board a plane to destinations unknown or sail the seven seas and I might even let my vulva become a popular tourist attraction if it suited my fancy…but as a mother I must be responsible and sensible.

I work hard every day to ensure their safety and security; I shell out thousands a month on food, shelter, transportation, clothing, toiletries, utilities…my bank account sees more action than my clitoris these days…but I take care of what needs to be taken care of and I keep the complaining down and out of their earshot for the most part. Sometimes it's hard, like when an overtired preschooler starts telling me off in a mixture of real words and gibberish or when an also overtired toddler tries to take a cue from big sis and scale the safety gate, only to have it fall over, scaring her but leaving her unscarred. Sometimes it's utterly delightful, like when either of the above progeny decide to go on a hugging frenzy. Always it's worth it–if I had nothing else in the world I'd be independently wealthy with a lifetime's supply of my children's laughter.

I've made it through a hard time in my life. There will be hard times to come. There will be amazing times to come. I will push forward and continue to try my hardest, sing the loudest, get all As, make the grade…you hate me 'cause I ain't afraid…

Alanis Morissette–Oh, this could be messy.